Momentum -

Momentum is an amazing thing.  When it is working for you, it is a powerful force.  But when you have none and you are trying to get it going, it is a ton of work.  

Many kids have stories of taking pennies or other coins out to the railroad to be laid on the tracks and flattened in an instant as a train rolls over them.  The train loses no momentum whatsoever, and a powerfully hard material like a coin is utterly flattened in a heartbeat.  But, take the same train, this time standing still with zero momentum, and put the same coin up against its front wheels – and push and strain as it might – (so I have read - Never been able to try it in person.  Amtrak doesn't think it is cool for you to try it.)   it cannot advance.  This is the difference in having momentum and not having momentum.  

I feel like I have lost all my momentum.  I had it.  I was rolling along!  It felt so great, so alive, so much power.  Now, it is as if the train of my life has been slowly climbing a mountain over the last couple of weeks and no matter how hard I push, I keep slowing down and losing momentum.  With each bit of momentum I lose, it makes it all the harder to keep up speed.  With each little bit of speed I lose, I lose more momentum.  It is a tough circle! 

I am not sure why all it has happened.  I am sure that it is a compilation of several things.  It was very cold and I could not bring myself to get up early and walk back and forth in the bitter cold of the early morning, in order to pray in an unheated church.  I tried to pray on my own a lot at home, but there are constant distractions with a family of 5 in a small house.   

I was also working very hard (still am) on a huge teaching project.  I know that the longer I worked on it, the wearier I became.  Additionally, I am not getting enough sleep.  After the kids finally fall asleep, Heather and I watch some shows off the internet.  It is far too easy to watch “just one more episode” – that often turns into “just one more” and so on.  

I have reached the point where sheer effort enough is not going to cut it.  I am spent.  It is my fault.  So, starting today I began doing what I need to do in order to get momentum going for me again.  I forced myself to get up and go to pray this morning.  (It was like death!  My body is not used to it anymore.  : )  They say it takes 28 days to form a habit and only 4 days to break it.  Well, it has been more than 4 days.)  I also have been trying to get a little more sleep, eat more healthily and get some more exercise. 
All of which are not easy.   

Momentum rocks!  You can blow through things with such little effort.                                                        Not having momentum stinks!  It is so much work to try and get it back.   

My suggestion – don’t lose it in the first place.  : ) 

My Heart Is Bleeding...

Today my heart is bleeding. My eyes are too.  My precious little son, Nathanael, 7 years old, had a meltdown last night as we walked home after church.  He has tons of energy and needs to expend it, as do most kids.  He has more.  Lots more.  We understand this and try to give him lots of opportunities to get it out.  Last night though, it was a tougher situation.  

When we first leave church and are walking home, the streets are pretty dark.  I like to keep the kids close for their safety.  Nate on the other hand wants to run off steam.  I asked him to stay close and to walk together as a family but he happily ran down the sidewalk, excited to be up and moving.  (I had given him time to run around at the church after service, but it was not enough.)  He quickly got hard to see in the darkness.  I called out to him to stop and come back closer to us.  He stopped, but did not come back.  I called out to him again.  Again he did not come back toward us.  This continued a few more times until we had caught up with him and then he took off again.  

When we finally got caught up I tried to explain the boundaries to him.  I also explained that if he obeyed, all would go well for him.  But that if he disobeyed, it would not go well.  – He chose to disobey and fell into the results – the dreaded – having to walk along with Dad, holding his hand!  He was not happy!  Normally, he is happy to do so, but because he wanted to run so much, it was more like pain than pleasure.  

Thus began the meltdown.  I tried to explain to him that if he would calm down and obey that he could be free of the tether.  It was too late.  No amount of explaining, of reasoning, would work.  He was angry, frustrated, crying, protesting, and unable to reached by any rational thought or a system of rewards/ punishments.  

Nate deals with extreme ADHD – Hyperactivity and a Strong Deficit of Attention.  I get it, because I dealt with it as well as a kid & still do.  I remember constantly being in trouble and having a very hard time at home, in school, etc.  There were times when it was brutal tough.  I was a very emotional kid which made things even harder to deal with.  Nate is the same way, which I get – but it goes farther.  

Nate also has a brush with Autism; Asperger’s Syndrome to be specific.  Most of the time you never even notice it, but every once in awhile it is like he flips a switch and has a meltdown over the most seemingly insignificant things.  He is nearly inconsolable.  He is nearly impossible to reason with.  It is like an emotional storm erupts in his brain.  

By the time we got home (about 1/2 hour later) I was at the end of my rope.  I am ashamed to say that I lost my temper with him and put him to bed in a manner far too harsh.  This only made things worse.  I had to pray and pray for peace to come and everyone to fall asleep.  Then I had to go to my bedroom and pray some more for my own peace.  

I have known for some time that Nate has this condition.  Yet, somehow last night, it was like a huge realization hit me.  I suddenly realized just how different he really is from most kids.  I thought about how it would affect him throughout his future.  I wondered just how deeply it would affect his ability to “live a normal life.”  It broke my heart as I thought about it.  I suppose that some of that could have been satan messing with my head, or tiredness messing with my emotions.  

Then I was caught in what I should do: 1. Pray for God to heal Nathanael of it, 2. Pray for God to help him learn how to do with it.  

I know that many times I have seen how my own ADD is a double-edged sword.  On the one hand it gives me tons of energy and keeps me up late thinking about things, working on things.  On the other hand it makes it hard to sit still, to stay focused, to get one thing done completely before moving on to the next.  Either way I know 2 things are true:  1. I have learned to defend against and make adjustments to the weaknesses it brings. 2. I have learned to rejoice in and utilize the strengths it gives me.  

I wondered which was better, to pray for God to deliver Nathanael from it, or to pray that God would use it do great things with it.  I will pray for God go deliver him from it; heal him.  At the same time, I will ask God that, if it not be his will, that He would help him (and us) learn how to deal with it and how to capitalize on the good things that it brings.  Either way, I guess I will be interceding for him on it.  : ) 

For everyone out there facing similar circumstances - be strong, pray lots, love more than most.  

May God bless you and give you what you need in order for things to go better than dreamed of - 

Paz, poder y bendiciones en el Espiritu Santo -